Friday, February 17, 2012

Awful Band Picture #8: Die Antwoord

Hey look everybody!  The Situation started a band with Badger, the stupid drug dealer from "Breaking Bad," and the hugest fan ever of both peroxide AND the movie, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo."  I bet it sounds really amazin....ha ha ha ha!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Awful Band Picture #7: The Deftones

This breaks my heart a little bit.  I love The Deftones.  But this photo sucks ass.  How many fucking band pictures are there with the lead singer making a Jesus Christ pose?  Please, if I ever make this pose in a band picture, set my guitars on fire and punch me in the face.  Repeatedly. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Awful Band Picture #6: Fefe Dobson

I can't decide if this is Awesome or Awful, because it looks like she's taking a shit on the hood of this car. And that is awesome. She's lookin' over her shoulder to make sure she won't get caught squeezing out stink sausages on Grandpa's old Lincoln. I also can't tell what's in her hand. It kind of looks like a bloody tampon. Or a mass of raw bacon. But it's probably just bad jewelry. And her name is Fefe. Poor thing. Her parents are cruel little assholes. Oh, and "nice denim shorts."

Awful Band Picture #5: Avril Lavigne

Awful. Just awful.

Playing with your hair and staring off at some unknown object. Real fuckin' original. Real fuckin' "edgy". You look either high or autistic. Is that what you're going for?

I feel like I could scrape her eyeliner off with a butter knife and spread it easily on some whole grain toast.

Her bra is showing. B-O-R-I-N-G! Flashing a little ta-ta action is very unoriginal and screams "I have no other redeeming qualities other than my snatch!" Besides that, you have no boobies!

And the "Drink Me" necklace. Are you 14? Did you buy that at Claire's during the height of popularity of Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland?" Irregardless, I would not drink you. I imagine any fluid that would come out of you would be salty and thick and tangy with infection.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Awful Band Photo #4: Beach House

Gee, is this an indie rock band? What gave it away? The long, shaggy and unkempt hair, the vintage outfits and no smiling.

Now it's time for a breakdown:

Tall stalks of wheat...are we promoting our band or are we promoting tourism in the state of Kansas?

Why are we reaching for the sky? Is that some kind of yoga move? Must be the Downward-Staring Hipster. I haven't gotten to that one in yoga class yet.

Not sure why the dude is on his knees on that wooden bridge. But just by looking at him, I can tell that I would want him to get a few splinters in his knees.

And to top it all off...a cloudy sky! Of course it's cloudy. Hipsters hate the sun, so they will only go outdoors if it's as gloomy as Connor Oberst feels on the inside.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Awesome Wednesdays!

Need I even explain why this is awesome??? One word: Sparkly Yellow Jumpsuits.

Awful Band Picture #3: Third Day

Dear Christian Rock darlings Third Day,

Where was your God when the photographer went as generic as possible with your press photo?

The lead singer at the forefront with his arms behind his back? Check!

Everyone wearing black? Check!

No smiling because your music is really fuckin' serious, like, seriously dude? Check!

Well, good for you. You just took a generic and awful band photograph.

Go pray on it and do better next time.